Okay, so it's a new day - night, whatever. I attempted the three day silent retreat. I learned a few things along the way. First, I cannot do a meditative retreat while I am at my house. I am entirely too distracted by things that need to be done, and then by arguing with myself about why I am not supposed to be doing them. Second, I should probably go grocery shopping before locking myself in the house for three days. Third, making a to-do list was helpful to try to stay on track, but I tend to be entirely too ambitious with my lists. Then, when I don't complete all of it, I feel like I failed. Fourth, I would do much better to make sure that my dentist and/or doctor appointments are not scheduled during the retreat time. And fifth, having to take care of two, very spoiled, animals does not make for a peaceful time for me.
So, the big question is, was my attempt successful? That depends on what you consider success. It was pretty laid-back. I was able to rest. I did some journaling to center myself. I still have not figured out exactly which way to go with my life or my career, but I have ruled out a few things. When putting in applications, there are some that I can't even stomach completing, so I am not doing those ones. Where I would have felt that I had to turn in everything and take anything that came along in the past, I have learned that is not what I want or need to do this time. I need to take some time and keep looking, praying, and watching.
I wasn't supposed to be finished with my "retreat" until today, but I actually 'cheated' yesterday. I had to go to the dentist, so I figured that since I was already out, I would hit the tanning salon. Then, next to the tanning salon is a nail place, and I decided to get that pedicure that I had been promising myself forever. It was my first time - I was a pedi-virgin, and, much like many firsts, it wasn't all it was cracked up to be. Maybe I just didn't have the right partner, er... nail artist. But, I did go home after that, and I didn't talk to anyone. To be perfectly honest, I did 'cheat' a couple of times as far as watching TV or turning on the computer. But, I figured that since it was my retreat, I could make up the rules and/or change the rules as I wanted. I did much less watching and surfing than normal. I think that going away would have made this all much easier. But, maybe next time.
Today, I decided that I was going to visit my parents. I paid bills, balanced the checkbook, updated my job search lists, rounded up the dog, and headed out the door. I figured an overnight at the 'rents was a good way to end a peaceful week. I even got to hang out with my youngest nephew for a little while tonight after his football workout.
I know, anticlimactic, right? Well, I didn't expect to figure out how to save the world, but I guess I did have some expectations. That epiphany as to what my future should be did not come to me. I'm a little disappointed about that - unrealistic expectations? I don't know. For now, I will just keep plugging away and see what happens. I will continue to pray, study, research, and job search. What is meant to happen will happen.
More tomorrow on adventures in Sandy Lake and travels down I 79 South. Stay tuned; I know you're on the edges of your seats. Until then, namaste.